the sum of its parts
by VioTanequil
Summary: because family means no one is left behind. Or the one in which they try and figure out what it is they mean to each other. Mostly canon.
1. birds of a feather

"You want me to-" Yoruichi's eyes widen, "Byakuya, are you sure you know what you're saying?"

"I want her to be happy," he says quietly, "and lately, I have come to realize that her happiness lies with Abarai."

"But they're not dating."

"No," he says, "not yet."

"And you want me to push them together."

"To provide them with an opportunity to have a conversation on this topic."

"...you really want them to date?"

His eyes close for a moment, "I think it is abundantly clear that what I really want is irrelevant. I wish for her happiness."

He pauses, "She deserves to be happy."

* * *

"Congratulations," she says.

He inclines his head, turns to face her, takes in her outfit just as she makes no effort to hide her own gaze.

"Why, Lord Kuchiki," she purrs, "did I just find you checking me out?"

"Must you constantly be inappropriate? This is my sister's wedding. I was merely observing that you appear to be dressed as befitting your position as a member of one of the Great Houses."

"And you look like you'd like nothing better than to have someone slap you in the face and wake you up from a bad dream."

He does not flinch.

He pauses, "Renji will treat her well. He loves her as she does him. She will be happy. They will be happy."

"And you?"

He turns away, says nothing.

* * *

Yoruichi sheds the layers swiftly. He had not asked her to be properly dressed but she had felt some level of guilt - after all, she'd been the one to lock them in a shed for half a day at his request and that's part of how Rukia has left him.

Atonement, she muses, not to mention how amusing it is to baffle those clansmen who always seem to forget that she knows how to hold herself properly, she just chooses not to.

As the last silk layer falls to the floor, she gathers her thoughts about her, remembers the Kuchiki clan crest on grey-blue silk, remembers those grey-blue eyes churning with emotion.

You're not alone, she knows she wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake the idea into him, but that would be lying.

She sighs.

One thing she has learnt, over the short two and a half years since the Thousand Year War that she has spent mostly in Soul Society, is that Kuchiki Byakuya is a true master at torturing himself.

It must be some form of crooked warped penance, she thinks, what for she does not know, but it takes a strong level of determination for one person to so desperately want to make his own life miserable.

She knows better, after all, having been both a clan leader and a captain herself, she knows how much work it entails and how much time it requires and how much space in one's life one needs to afford it, knows that for all the machinations that the Kuchiki do not require such levels of sacrifice from their leader, that he merely takes it on because he desires to.

But duty is one thing.

Actively putting a wall between oneself and one's loved ones is another and well, there is hardly a soul this side of a senkaimon who does not know of Captain Kuchiki's affection for his sister, of the way she lights up his life. And yet, with his own hands, with his own actions, with his express permission, he has let his one relative step straight out of his life.

She imagines him kneeling in the meeting of the Great Houses, holding out the piece of paper that removes his name from hers and replaces it with another.

He was heartbroken, she saw earlier at the wedding, heartbroken but at peace, content yet tormented - Rukia's happiness before his own, that is the right and righteous way.

It makes sense, and for all of his many faults, one cannot fault him for being selfish.

* * *

"You're still awake."

"I am," his mouth twists fractionally, "finding myself unaccustomed to how still-" he shakes his head.

"Hn," she settles down next to him but does not say anything else, relaxes her grasp on her reiatsu, lets it disperse.

They both know it does not cover the silence but he does not, cannot fault her for trying.


	2. package deal

"You're going on an urgent mission for two weeks?" Renji's eyes almost fall out of his head, "without me?"

"You believe me to be incapable of completing this mission without assistance?"

"No! I- uh but sir, I, it's-"

"Think of it as an opportunity, Renji."

"An opportunity, sir?"

"Think, Abarai."

Renji gawps as Captain Kuchiki picks up his own bags from the floor and heads to the door then pauses.

"I expect the division to still be here when I return."

Renji drops into a bow, "Sir, yes sir!"

"Intact," the captain says.

"Then perhaps I should invite someone over to teach the kido classes, sir?"

The edges of Captain Kuchiki's lips twitch, "Perhaps."

Renji grins.

"Stay safe, sir."

* * *

The first thing Renji notices is just how tired Captain Kuchiki looks when he steps out through the senkaimon. Weariness drapes upon him like a blanket, seeps out from his pores - the usual underlying sense of confidence in his reiatsu strangely absent.

It feels wrong.

"Welcome back, sir."

Tired eyes drag themselves up to meet his, a soul-crushing sadness hangs between them for a second before he crumples, all of a sudden, as if the strings holding him up were cut, falls to his knees to the floor faster than Renji's hands can catch him.

Renji feels his heart beating in his hands, can barely hear anything else as he scoops his commanding officer up and dashes to the Fourth.

He's never noticed how light both Kuchiki siblings are.

* * *

Exhaustion, Isane says, there's nothing physically wrong with him.

Renji thinks it cannot be true. Captain Kuchiki does not do exhaustion. The captain is the pinnacle of control and he just-

It is not possible.

And so he is here, secretly flipping through the bag that had been brought back, for the notes that he knows Captain Kuchiki would have written daily. He has never read Captain Kuchiki's notes, for some reason these the captain does not share but he has seen them be written so he knows they must exist.

He finds two sheets of paper tucked neatly in between surfaces that people would usually overlook.

Strange. Captain Kuchiki had been gone for two weeks.

He tugs the first out.

I believed that natural disasters, the first note begins, were the worst, but I have come to realize that this thing that they call a plane crash is worse still, for often enough they know that they are deceased but do not want to believe it to be true.

Renji sucks in a deep breath. Captain Kuchiki's writing does not falter. The script is neat and organized, the tone cool and detached. Captain Kuchiki details everything, every single person he sends along, every hollow he dispatches because he is too slow and too late, every story they tell him of their lives.

Renji puts day one down, puts his head in his hands, breathes as he reads the stories of ordinary people's lives brutally cut short, of their disappointment and their fears, their regrets and their hopes and dreams.

He grits his teeth, picks up day two, abnormally short and the only other sheet, reads the first line and tries not to be sick.

Two sisters, his captain's shaky hand records, young, the older with wide violet eyes, and the younger a baby.

Renji forces himself to finish reading the only other sentence on the page.

I was too late, it says, the older turned into a Hollow before my eyes.

* * *

"Renji?" Small hands close over his, "Renji!"

"Wha-?" He startles out of his stupor.

"What happened? Isane said it was exhaustion but nii-sama doesn't…"

Worried violet eyes swim into his view and Renji reaches out, tugs her as close as close as he can, wraps his arms around his love and buries his head in her shoulder.

"Renji?" Rukia's voice falls to a softer tone, "Renji, are you alright?"

"You're here," he mumbles, running a hand through her hair.

Rukia's voice takes on a bemused lilt, "Yes, dumbass. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

Rukia nods, holds Renji's head close to her heart.

"I think," he says after several beats, "I think your brother thinks he just performed a soul burial on the reincarnation of his wife."

Rukia inhales sharply.

* * *

"I apologize for the inconvenience, Captain Kotetsu," Renji hears the same calm familiar tone as he approaches the room.

"Oh no, Captain Kuchiki, it's really nothing - I'm just glad you're well. You startled us all."

"I apologize."

"P-Please s-stop apologizing?"

Renji decides he should enter the room before Isane dissolves into a pile of quivering jelly.

"Yo. Captain, Captain Kotetsu."

"Lieutenant Abarai," Isane looks like she is about to faint in relief, "Captain Kuchiki I have a round to make, I'm glad you're alright. Please don't hesitate to come by for a check up if you would like one."

"Thanks," Renji grins as Isane scoots out the door about as fast as is humanly possible without running.

"Captain," Renji's grin widens at the bemused look on Captain Kuchiki's face (learning to read Captain Kuchiki's minute facial expressions is one of the most rewarding things he has done in the last few years because by the gods is the man amusing) "You should really tone down on the serious and scary tone. People will think you're terrifying."

Captain Kuchiki quirks an eyebrow, "But I am terrifying."

Renji snorts, "Well then, Mr Terrifying, Rukia's expecting us in ten minutes. Said she'd make us wash the dishes if we're late."

Captain Kuchiki's eyes widen.

"It's a welcome home dinner," Renji says, shrugs, "her idea. You know what she's like. Also, between the two of us, I think she kinda missed having you around."

"Around."

"Kinda like a safety blanket. Or a night light. Or an old stuffed toy. I don't know."

"I am not a stuffed toy. And what even is a safety blanket?"

"Dunno."

* * *

"Couldn't sleep, Captain?"

"I could ask the same of you."

"Yeah well," Renji shrugs, "not feeling too tired. Rukia's out like a light though, in case you were wondering."

"And so you decided to come to the office."

"Well, you did, right?"

Captain Kuchiki says nothing, picks up another form, scans it and signs it. But I'm the workaholic hangs silently in the air. Renji studiously ignores it.

Captain Kuchiki pauses, looks at the stack of papers in his in-box. The beginnings of a frown form on his face.

"Uh," says Renji as he reads the look of doubt for what it is, "I had Captain Iba look over a couple of the reports just to be sure, so that's why there aren't that many for you to do."

Captain Kuchiki's hands pause before he picks up another sheet.

Then, "Renji."

"Yes sir?"

"Have you ever thought of being a Captain?"

Renji shrugs, "Yeah? I think all students in the academy think about it at least once."

He can see Captain Kuchiki resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"But I don't have any intention of leaving the Sixth, sir. And I know it's historically led by a Kuchiki, so no, I don't think I want to be a Captain."

"Just because there is no precedence," Captain Kuchiki begins.

"I don't wanna," Renji says, "I don't have the personality for it. I'm too lazy. And holy moly the amount of paperwork you do is insane. If you'd been gone for another week I think I would have gone to the living world myself to drag you back, Captain Commander Kyouraku's orders be damned."

"Really now."

"Captain," Renji says, rubs his hands together, gathering up his courage, "Can I ask you something?"

The captain nods. Fractionally.

"Did you go because you didn't want me to get hurt? Because Captain Iba said that Captain Commander Kyouraku had wanted me to go initially but you said no."

"Captain Iba said that?"

"He was very drunk, sir. And I was very insistent and we've known each other for a while, so I know how to push his buttons. Because you've not left me behind in a long time. And I'm much stronger than I was before. And please don't try to change the subject, sir."

"I wanted to give you the opportunity to lead the Sixth."

"With all due respect, sir, I do believe you could have just taken a two week vacation. I believe you have enough vacation days to take an entire year off at this point."

"What do you want me to say, Renji?"

"That you won't do it again. Because I can hold my own. And we both know that."

"I won't let her lose you."

"With all due respect, sir, I don't have any intention of dying any time soon. And this kind of mission is routine. We do it all the time."

He sees the flash of emotion cross Captain Kuchiki's face.

"Also," Renji takes in a deep breath, "I can't let her lose you either. I promised I'd protect her and that kind of includes you. And I know you're stronger than me, sir, but I'd at least like the chance to watch your back. You freaked the both of us out when you collapsed out of the senkaimon."

"I apologize," comes the swift reply, "that was a moment of weakness and it will not happen again."

Renji grimaces, then comes clean, "I read your notes, sir. I know you always take notes and you've never succumbed to 'exhaustion' before so I kinda dug them up and read them."

Captain Kuchiki's eyes narrow but he looks too tired to be angry.

"Was it her?" Renji says softly.

The remnants of the mask shatter, "I do not know. I-"

Captain Kuchiki looks away and the shadows of the candlelight dance on his face, "I know I should not have but I asked for her name."

Renji holds his breath.

"She did not answer," Captain Kuchiki says, "which is just as well that I may persist in my ridiculous delusion, knowing very clearly that no one remembers their life after death."

He sighs, soft, slow, "You must think me a fool. To cling on for so long to so little. And yet the slightest of hopes is the most cruel. She looked-" he shakes his head, gaze far away.

"I am here because the manor is too quiet, too still, too empty. Because I see her when I close my eyes. Because I am afraid that if I dream, I will not want to wake up alone."

"Sir," Renji finally manages, "I- You're not- We're all-"

Captain Kuchiki smiles a thin, wry smile, "you might want to stay a little further from me, Lieutenant Abarai, because the people who care about me have a tendency to die before their time."

"That's not-"

"My grandfather. My mother. My father. Hisana. You and Rukia I almost killed with my own two hands."

Renji opens his mouth to say but you didn't but his words are dismissed with a single wave of Captain Kuchiki's hands.

"Ukitake. Yachiru. And then now if you were to die on my command," he says, "for something insignificant, I honestly don't know how I would be able to continue living with myself."

Renji closes his mouth, bites back the but I won't because they are soldiers and not liars.

"You should go home, Renji," his tone more wistful than dismissive, "You should go home."

You have a home to return to.

"Get some rest, sir, I definitely don't regret having this discussion but you might," Renji says as he stands, "and just so we're clear, we're not going anywhere, Rukia and I. We're still going to be right here when you wake up. And we're going to have this discussion again after I think about it some more cos I ain't as smart as you and I need time to think about how I'm gonna persuade you to take me with you next time. Just so we're clear."

The tiniest upturn of the corners of Captain Kuchiki's mouth, "I appreciate it, Lieutenant. I do."

* * *

"You told Captain Commander Kyouraku that I was suicidal?"

"No, sir," Renji frowns, "all I said was 'you shouldn't let Captain Kuchiki go on really dangerous missions alone because we'd very much appreciate it if he came back alive and he's not always very good about taking care of himself and so you should send me too'. I think Yoruichi-san might have been the one who said that dangerous missions are not for men who don't feel like they have a lot to live for."

"Why was she even there?"

"Dunno," comes the too-quick reply.

"Perhaps I should fire you," he says, "and find a replacement who does not have the audacity to go behind my back to the Captain Commander and Shihouin Yoruichi to keep me out of danger."

"That certainly wouldn't change the perception that you need help, sir. And you do realize that you could just solve this problem by taking me with you."

"Did she tell you to say that?"

Renji scratches the back of his head, "Yeah. I told you, I don't have the brains to do stuff like that. You know me. I'll tell you what I want to your face. And I told you last night. And you didn't say you'd do it. So I kinda had to go get help."

"Because she's been manipulating me since I was a child?"

Renji shrugs, "Because she knows what you're like. And beggars can't be choosers right? Besides, you're wrong that everyone who cared for you is dead cos there are a lot of us who care."

"You've been very straightforward with me lately, Lieutenant."

"You scared me," Renji says, shrugs again, "I've honestly never had the reason to think about what we'd do without you. During the war there was no time to think - we were all too injured and too busy fighting. But it's different now."

He grins, "You're really light, you know? It's kinda scary. Also Rukia adores you and for some reason I'm kind of used to having you around."

"So you're saying it's too late even if I fire you."

"Yup."

"I'm stuck with you."

"Yup yup. Really, sir, you do realize that when you gave me permission to marry your sister that it kind of was a package deal?"

"I… try not to think about that."

"Sir," Renji says, as it dawns upon him, "you've never had a older sibling before, have you?"

Captain Kuchiki blinks three times in rapid succession, looks rightfully bamboozled, "but you're not older than me..."

Renji laughs.


End file.
